Seven Demands

The Union of Deadpan Sidekicks Presents Its List of 7 Demands to Management.

Number One. We demand equal billing. We will not be relegated to subserviant status. Our names must appear on marquees and posters in letters as large as those who get all the laughs.

Number two. We demand a level playing field. We expect to be promoted or at least rewarded for our deadpanuity. Management must recognize the value of what it is we do, whatever it is we do.

Number three. We demand a shorter work week. Audience reaction must come earlier in the act. It must be made clear to them that our silence is the que for them to become amused.

Number four. We demand better working conditions. Being stationed nearly in the wings where camera operators have to strain their backs to get us in the frame is not going to cut it anymore.

Number five. We demand a work environment free from broad physical comedy. No pratfalls or burleques will be perpetrated against us in order to garner cheap laughs.

Number six. We demand affordable health care. Okay, nix that. We demand some kind of HMO co-pay system that lets us see a doctor once a year or in an emergency.

Number seven. We demand sidekicks of our own. Although they wouldn't make as much money as us or be our equals, they would share the workload and allow us to clock out early on certain days.

And now, here's the star of our show...