In this corner, ladies and gentlemen, armed with Byzantine mace and spear and weighing in at one hundred and five pounds, fresh from bloody victories at Sevastapol and Constantinople, slayer of Brian the Moor, the Terror of Tinytown, Kid Pepito!
And in this corner, armed with pike and shortsword and weighing in at one hundred and eleven pounds, holder of the title of Macedonian Mêlée Master, slaughterer of Cyrus of Thebes, the Scourge of Littleville, Orrin the Slug.
Gentlemen, you know the rules. No bodyblows or chokeholds. No kicking or punching or grappling. There will be no bodily contact of any kind. Only weapons may be employed. At the sound of the bell, come out swinging. Or prodding. And may the best man live.
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