NASA radio/telemetry operators tuned to frequencies last used by the Pioneer 10 spacecraft three years ago, have received garbled signals coming from the direction of former planet, now planetoid or pluton, Pluto. The encrypted communique has been decoded by the NSA and appears to be from one Kryznapox Glorfinism, who claims to be the queen of Pluto. Her message is directed to all inhabitants of planet Earth and reads as follows:
"People of Earth. Screw you. We have no desire to be part of your crummy planetary system, anyway. As our orbit around your little sun is extremely elliptical, we find our society flourishes best when we are farthest out. We have dark energy out here that beats your old solar rays any day of the week, and those days are plenty long here, albeit a bit dark. In fact, we have voted to secede from your system entirely. Our scientists are working on thrusters to launch us deep into space where we'll be free of your (expletive garbled) probes and judgment calls. You're lucky we decided against launching thermo-nuclear devices at your so-called planet. So there."
NASA and the NSA will continue to work together in order to receive and translate any future messages, but a spokesman for NASA seemed pessimistic that any would be forthcoming.
Saturday, August 26, 2006
Screw You Says Queen of Pluto
NASA radio/telemetry operators tuned to frequencies last used by the Pioneer 10 spacecraft three years ago, have received garbled signals coming from the direction of former planet, now planetoid or pluton, Pluto. The encrypted communique has been decoded by the NSA and appears to be from one Kryznapox Glorfinism, who claims to be the queen of Pluto. Her message is directed to all inhabitants of planet Earth and reads as follows:
"People of Earth. Screw you. We have no desire to be part of your crummy planetary system, anyway. As our orbit around your little sun is extremely elliptical, we find our society flourishes best when we are farthest out. We have dark energy out here that beats your old solar rays any day of the week, and those days are plenty long here, albeit a bit dark. In fact, we have voted to secede from your system entirely. Our scientists are working on thrusters to launch us deep into space where we'll be free of your (expletive garbled) probes and judgment calls. You're lucky we decided against launching thermo-nuclear devices at your so-called planet. So there."
NASA and the NSA will continue to work together in order to receive and translate any future messages, but a spokesman for NASA seemed pessimistic that any would be forthcoming.
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3 comments:
Oh, brother, here we go again. My ex-wife does go on, doesn't she? Though no longer King of Pluto (only you Earthbillies call it that; all informed beings in this quadrant refer to our planet as Yuggoth), I nonetheless enjoy going back there to enjoy the methane springs. And there she continues to rule, bitchy and snargged as always. You can see by her diatribe why I decided to leave. Presently located in Smeerg City under the swirling hydrocarbon clouds of Venus, I have a better perspective on this subject. Trust me, Yuggoth has NEVER been a planet. We can relocate anywhere we like, and our "discovery" in the early twentieth century was only due to our having recently moved there. Poxy has been complaining about this system for years, and will likely relocate soon. I'm happy enough here on Venus (the Smeergs refer to their planet as Kunkfrumbilia Snartaxxis, but I like Venus better), and have no desire to travel with the denizens of Yuggoth if they relocate. And don't worry about the nukes; I took all the fuses and cast them into the Filjesican Trench years ago.
Note to Readers (if there are any):
The authorities at NASA/NSA are currently at work attempting to verify the authenticity of the message received from Plognyztr Glorfinism. Due to the thick atmosphere of Venus, this may take some time.
Overseers at NASA/NSA have confirmed the message received from the direction of Venus (Kunkfrumbilia Snartaxxis to the Smeergs) was indeed that of the former king of Pluto (or Yuggoth.) Or, at least, from someone in his employ.
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