Lempert's

Where do you go at 4 in the AM when all the other bars fold up for the night? That's easy. You head on down to Lempert's Embalming Saloon.
Old man Lempert himself greets you as you walk in. You recoil from his frozen handshake; still, you manage a feeble, twisted smile. He motions to the bartender and before you know it, a cocktail is shaken and poured into a chilled long-stemmed glass and placed before you. It's the house specialty, made with gin, vermouth, TripleSec and formaldehyde. As you raise the glass to your lips you notice that the rest of the patrons are sitting stiffly and at odd angles. Their faces are blue. You drink.
Along about dusk the next day you regain a consciousness you'd rather not and manage to will yourself back into lethargy. You'll be there awhile longer. No matter. Lempert's help can sweep up around you.

Marble 2

Two Italian marbles. God's own surreal art.

The recipe for breccia is shatter / flow / meld. This is Breccia Pontificia. It stands apart from all other breccias.

God depicts here the Fairy King with twin Moses and assorted spirits channeling the Insect Prince.

This is the harder Diasporo. Agate, in fact.

Here God gives root to the exaltation of the knock-kneed bishop while pigs and nipples fly.

These images are from Samson Marble.

Me

My lawyer thought it would be a good idea if I came clean and admitted that my real name is not Al E.Yus after all. You may have surmised that already.
My real name is Jay King and this a photograph of me.
I might add that it was my lawyer's idea in the first place to disguise my identity. He thought my professional reputation could be jeopardized by the pablum I put down here. In fact, he convinced me that if I were to take down all the j-pegs and gifs of my subjects and substitute them with silly models, we might avoid libel and slander suits. Naturally, I protested, being the hard-hitting journalist I am. But to placate his fears, I acquiesced.
Now, he wants me to stand up for myself. And so I shall, your honor. From this point on, I shall be representing myself.

Phantom of Boggy Hollow

Parents knew better than to allow their children to go anywhere near the old Simms place. Not that they easily could, it being overrun with briars and stinging nettle and being home to countless snakes and spiders and bats and bees. Far worse, however, behind and below the collapsed cabin were the brackish waters of Boggy Hollow. In those inky black depths lived a most foul and awful creature, a creature known to swallow swimmers whole only to spit them out and chew them up again. A creature that could crawl out of the swamp on any moonless night and keep the entire county awake with its mournful caterwauling. A creature seen only by a few but heard by many and known to all. To be feared and avoided at all costs was the Phantom of Boggy Hollow.

Life Caused By Virus

Scientists from Stanford University have released the results of a decade long study on a virus they believe to be the cause of all life on planet Earth. The virus, shown above, has scientists the world over perplexed as to how a living organism can precede life and they wonder as to its origin. At a hastily arranged press conference at the School of Medicine in Palo Alto, the team of researchers, headed by Dr. Samson Schlagel, met Monday with reporters and physicians to answer some of their key concerns. Dr. Schlagel explained that "Virulence is tricky. Often inorganic elements combine in such a way as to create neo-organic matter. Nefarious forces affect these neo-organics and enzymes become viral. It happens rarely, but when it does, watch out." According to the Stanford research team, this happened in the early stages of our planet's development. Volcanism and ultra-violet rays played a role, and the team hasn't ruled out the idea of a fully developed virus arriving from outside of our solar system. "Wherever the virus came from," said Dr. Schlagel, "we are convinced that life is viral. This might explain its persistent ability to adapt and evolve to a more and more challenging environment. It also might explain mankinds willingness to destroy the planet, to kill our host, so to speak, in order to move on to broader vistas and new challenges." Dr. Schlagel added that further research is needed.

Earth Day

The felling of the wildwood, your jewel in the crown,
You brought it off in multiple swoops.
Returned in the spring, we laid it to waste,
Then chewed on the deadwood to bring it to life.

Diary Entry 2

I am so perturbed, I mimed to my co-worker, Natalie. She was doing her nails while waiting for her My Space page to update. That phone just keeps ringing and ringing. I've a mind to answer it. So I did. It was one more jerkwad asking for a product brochure. I gestured gagging to Natalie, who rolled her eyes.

The Great Decider

Enter, Mystery Guests, and sign in, please.

I am the Great Decider. I decide who is right and who is wrong. Not you. Not Congress. Me. I decide much as the Electoral College decided. Like the Supreme Court decided. Like the American people.... I am the Great Decider. I was elected to decide. It was mandated in a landslide that I do the deciding for the country. Nowhere is there a more Solomon-esque figurehead to make the hard decisions, the tough decisions. It is me. The Great Decider.

I am the Great Decider. I decide who is good and who is evil. I have studied the dispatches. I have funneled funds through the proper channels. I have lobbied my lessers and backed winners, I have earned political capital and I intend to use it. My decisions carry weight. I am greeted as a liberator wherever I go. It is I who decides what's best.

No, I am the Great Decider. I decide to promote the incompetent and remove the knowlegable. I decide which corporations will reap millions. I decide who is to be imprisoned indefinitely without trial or review, for any reason or no reason at all. I decide the scenarios that fit the situations, the logic behind the absurd, the cocksuredness of pipedreams. How can anyone doubt that it is I who is the Great Decider?

Whoever is the Great Decider, he's doing a fine job. A hell of a job.

Leon and Effie

Since his retirement from the State Department, Uncle Leon's health hasn't been too good. It might have something to do with those three years he spent in Chernobyl. The kids are afraid of him. They say he crackles.
We're all scared of Aunt Effie. She worked thirty two years for the Department of Motor Vehicles and grew a tough hide and a barbed tongue. She knows how to throw her ample girth around.
I hope their Airstream Conestoga doesn't stay parked in our driveway all summer long again like it did in '02.