Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Pescasaurian


A serious lot, the Pescasaurians. Always on a mission. Always scanning desert vistas, remembering or trying to remember something elusive, just beyond the horizon; something shimmering, liquid, a mirage, a spawning pool.

Sunday, June 24, 2007

Gustav

Of all the faces I've made so far, this one looks the most like a drawing or a painting to me.

Saturday, June 23, 2007

Bogey

Bogey scratches his diamond nails on the window glass and sends shivers up the spines of the little bedbound ones. Bogey sets himself to pounce mode in the closet, rustling their clothes. Bogey hunches his back beneath the bed; children rise and fall.

But bogeys aren't the be all, end all. Kids thwart them everyday simply by staying under the covers. Because bogeys know the children know this, they're mostly bluster.

But then, the bogle....

Friday, June 22, 2007

Bogle

The bogle, on the other hand, means business.

His kind go way back, before before, to the Peat Faeries and Ballybogs. Their ancient aim remains the same, to drive their victim bonkers.

That victim might be a mere child. It's cruel, I'll admit. But the kid usually deserves it. He disobeyed his parents or she didn't clean her room - something bad. Less has unleashed a bogle.

So provoked, they're slippery as all get out. One'll whisper in your left ear, then he'll shout in your right. They like spilling stuff, especially liquids. Worse, they'll jostle you and make you spill stuff. They'll make you, that child, do the damnedest things, until one day, you're funny farm fodder.

Wanna remain sane and keep away bogles? Be good.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Lady Mondegreen




The wily noble lass
Led the lad to grass,
Against him she did lean
And Lady Mondegreen.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

One of Mongol Horde


We let our guard down that year and the Mongol Horde slipped in. Porous borders. Of a sudden they were everywhere.

Might've handled them okay
if only they were alive.

Monday, June 18, 2007

MacGuffin

Alfred Hitchcock:

"It might be a Scottish name, taken from a story about two men in a train. One man says, 'What's that package up there in the baggage rack?' And the other answers, 'Oh that's a McGuffin.' The first one asks 'What's a McGuffin?' 'Well' the other man says, 'It's an apparatus for trapping lions in the Scottish Highlands.' The first man says, 'But there are no lions in the Scottish Highlands,' and the other one answers 'Well, then that's no McGuffin!'
So you see, a McGuffin is nothing at all."

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Scurients

The Scurients of Beta Pictoris L17 are extremely territorial. They travel around their planet and moons in transparent spheres. These globes are actual living entities which have been domesticated and taught to move about under the command of Scurient brain waves. They can travel on land, but maneuver best in the methane river system built especially for them. The gas rivers get crowded, though, so collisions often occur. The spheres are like puffballs and harmlessly bounce off each other, but when this happens, gyros in the Scurient brains go haywire and it often results in a fight to the death, as bounce after bounce deliver and deposit one ball or the other to one of the ever present mini black holes that pock the planetoids. The victor scores a chit in this, the Great Scurient Demolition Derby. Or is it nine ball?

Saturday, June 16, 2007

Nabbed Tyke Returned

The nightmare is over for the Zort family. Their recently abducted 18 month old son, Kenneth, has been found.

"It's a miracle," intoned the child's grandmother, Gladys P. Hogschnabel. "He hasn't a scratch on him. Well, one on his cheek. And a few needle marks, but not bad overall."

Last seen three weeks ago when his mother tucked him in for nighty-nights, it is assumed some unknown interloper made off with the infant through an upstairs bedroom window. Neighbors reported seeing a bright light and hearing a theremin, but police could find no footprints or evidence of a ladder being used, even though it had been raining for two days. Chief Frank Dingleberry was baffled.

"Frankly, I'm baffled," he was quoted (here) as saying. "But at least he's home and safe. He has a new hat, too"

The boy's father, Terrence Zort, speculated that Kenny just "wandered off somewhere." He is, of course, glad to have him back, and even happier about what he perceives as his son's new outlook on life.

"He used to be kind of a moody kid. Had a mind of his own. Now he just smiles and does whatever you tell him to do."

This reporter left the Zort household under the watchful eyes of little Kenny Zort, certain that things have returned to normal at 17 Willow Drive.

Friday, June 15, 2007

Prognostidigitator




There will be those who can identify future leaders by the length and bend of their fingers. These shall be henceforth known as the Prognostidigitators.

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Your Falcon and Its Burka

A bird will not fear what it cannot see. Remove hood before hunt.

Rastrastriation Cudgel

If I had a picture of one I'd show you. It was about yea big. A gnarly ugly stick. One come down on you, you know about it.

Some of us was brought up on the bad end of a rastrastriating cudgel. Things leave marks. Many's the time I been chased by one kind or another. Or threatened to be chased. "You want I should rastratriate you?" I remember somebody saying that.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Subject F-19


On the third day, minor deleterious effects were made manifest in the countenance and bearing of Subject F-19. Suggest we decrease the dosage for the time being and remove from ward any shiny surface capable of reflecting an image.

Too late.

Monday, June 11, 2007

Meerjus Nafloom



Meerjus is the point man for the Katastrian Cartel. He can spot a double cross in the dark. Law he just smells. Make sure you're upwind.

Sunday, June 10, 2007

Sleep Story 4

What an Art Show! Sculptures, paintings, every item cataloged ended up buried in the collapsing walls. So did the people viewing it, myself included. It was painless enough, a performance piece. We simply dusted ourselves off. A great underground chase ensued, but all this was yesterday and I forgot.

Saturday, June 09, 2007

Will Rogers 2



If you want to be successful, it's just this simple.

Know what you are doing.
Love what you are doing.
And believe in what you are doing.

Friday, June 08, 2007

Calvin Karnate

One transmogrification too many and the spurning of Susie Derkins forced an early retirement on Calvin. At nine years of age, he made his way to Sikkim and entered the Rumtek Monastery as a starter monk. He is in bliss there still.

Hobbes followed his friend as far as Cooch Behar, where he met a Bengal who was summering there and fell in her thrall. They now live in the Sunderbans.

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

John Rae

By boot leather, snowshoe, boat or dogsled, John Rae's ice capades were without rival. Four of his expeditions four years either side of 1850 wrote the map for much of Canada. Still, he was disdained by the Royal Navy for his reliance on native Inuit survival skills. If he could just emulate his predecessor, Lord Franklin. Poor Lord Franklin...

On that last one out, Rae found bits and pieces of Franklin's lost expedition. Silverware. Franklin's men, had set off on foot carrying silverware. Poisoned by lead soldered food tins, sick with scurvy, but at least they had the captain's silverware. The Inuit told Rae of the last of the men resorting to cannibalism, news that didn't exactly go over big back in England, a country devoid of statues erected to Rae. Plenty to Franklin, though.

Monday, June 04, 2007

Vogon Jeltz


A Po-Em by Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz:

Rumbly burps belching forth
In extreme noxiousness
Bring the faithful to their knees
To clean up the mess.
Oh crabcakes!
I remember your taste!
(A bit fishy, but not bad overall.)
You there! Wipe off my shoe.

Sunday, June 03, 2007

Quib Sprock Sitters

Hunt Craig's List from now 'til doomsday and you'll not find a more qualified babysitter this side of the Milky Way than the Quib Sprocks of 47 Ursae Majoris. Known for their storytelling prowess, their cuddlability, and their innate kiddie radar, Quib Sprocks consistently rank highest in the Galactic Au Pere Review. Hire one today.

Saturday, June 02, 2007

Lost Lost Boy

There was a sixth Lost Boy, so lost he was outside the boundaries of Neverland, beyond its suburbs even. He was lost somewhere in Netherland, or rather, nowhere there. He was dumped so long ago he hadn't yet been named. What would he have done with a name, having no one to call him?

Peter knew all the while he was out there. He wanted to tell the others on those nights when they felt most alone, so they'd know there was at least one lost boy more lost than they. But he knew he couldn't. It would break their hearts.

Once Peter finds a Darling home for the five, he'll return for the lost Lost Boy. It might take forever, but there will be plenty of time.

Friday, June 01, 2007

HornEars


Why would you let wi-fi waves pass right through you when with a set of iTech HornEars you could tap into the datastream?

Knowledge and trivia await you; harness the power of the internets using aluminum foil!