Turk

The Turk knew what he was in for, it wasn't like he didn't. He cooked the books for years and managed to keep the numbers hid. But Sid had his eye on the Turk, got the notion his quiet meant he talked more on the outside. Since he's gone nothing adds up.

Polytonality

What happens when polytonality is suppressed? We know the answer to this question from studying Manitoban muskrats in their rutting season. By feeding them pine cones soaked in maple syrup, scientists are able to stifle the rodents' eerie love song and force them to produce a raspy hack instead. The result is a slightly less unsettling quag and fewer baby Manitoban muskrats.

Morgue Arrival A

This one's a puzzler. Came in today on the rhubarb express. That's what we call any extremely rural EMS ambulance. It's fitting, too, as the guy appears part vegetable. I'd guess artichoke. Well, time to drain the chlorophyll.

Com Post

I guess this means Halloween is over.

Marching To Pretoria

Colonel Edwin Pilfington III of Her Majesty's Finest fought valiantly under Lord Kitchener in the Western Transvaal against those confounded Boers. The bloody bitter-enders never knew when to quit, scorched earth or no. Still in all, despite losing two legs and and an arm in an artillery barrage, Colonel Pillfington did manage to capture singlehandedly
(as that's all he had left) 217 enemy wives and children.
"All in a day's rout," he is said to have harrumphed.

Don Quixote (aka George Bush)

"The fear thou art in, Sancho," said Don Quixote, "prevents thee from seeing or hearing correctly, for one of the effects of fear is to derange the senses and make things appear different from what they are; if thou art in such fear, withdraw to one side and leave me to myself, for alone I suffice to bring victory to that side to which I shall give my aid;" and so saying he gave Rocinante the spur, and putting the lance in rest, shot down the slope like a thunderbolt. Sancho shouted after him, crying, "Come back, Senor Don Quixote; I vow to God they are sheep and ewes you are charging! Come back! Unlucky the father that begot me! what madness is this!"

- Miguel de Cervantes from "Don Quixote"

That the Law

Every time I see this simple truth while driving through Brinkley, Arkansas, I mean to capture it's image. I finally did. (Click to enlarge.)

Incubus

There's no polite way to explain it. It's a parasite. A demon. It's hideousness astounds women and takes their breath away. While stunned they are easy prey. The incubus attaches itself.

Or,

She never sees it coming because she's asleep. It could be a handsome prince or someone she knows for all she knows. So rough, though.

Either way, it is not a pleasant union. Bile arises. The revulsion requires absolution, but no amount of cleansing will do. And nine months later... You just don't want to know.

Playtendo 3Wee Released

The Playtendo 3Wee video game system hit the stores this morning and garnered somewhat less than spectacular sales, according to an industry spokesman.

"Sales have been somewhat less than spectacular," said Charles P. Harris, vice president in charge of marketing for Playtendo. "We are expecting things to pick up a bit this afternoon, however."

Controversy arose following last week's press release unveiling the 3Wee. Based on poll results, consumers expressed confusion as to whether the game system was a Playstation or a Nintendo product. Spokespersons for Nintendo and for Sony, the manufacturer of the Playstation, declined to comment on the grounds that they, quite simply, weren't sure.

"What's important to keep in mind," said Harris, "is the advanced technology behind the Playtendo 3Wee. It's the only game system out there with both a Blu-Ray drive and a Wee Remote. That sets us apart."

This reporter visited several area retailers and found dazed shoppers camped out in long lines, waiting for the opportunity to purchase one electronic game system or another. Hawkers for the Playtendo 3Wee worked the lines alongside the muggers and pickpockets consumers have come to expect. It is a sales technique that, innovative as it is, may be ahead of its time.

Joe Blow, a beefy Playtendo salesperson. took a few moments to talk to me. "They ain't biting now, but they'll come around. We'll be here as long as the lines are here. Our hundred dollar cash only price tag is just too low for some of these marks to resist. I'll be eating sirloin tonight."