U.S. To Shoot Down Space Station

The US military is planning to shoot down the International Space Station in the next few weeks, the Pentagon announced today.

Citing outmoded technology and a deteriorating orbit, General Theodore Smedley suggested NASA consider evacuating the space structure as soon as possible. In a briefing to reporters this afternoon, he said, "Atlantis is up there now, so this weekend ought to be a good time to get them the hell out of there."

General Smedley went on to list some of the dangerous chemicals and gasses that would be released into the atmosphere in the event that the space station crashed to earth without the assistance of rocket-propelled explosives. Radon and formaldehyde were chief among them. There is also the possibility of the massive structure falling on a school or a hospital.

"We must be proactive about this thing," he said. "Potential lives are at stake."

Once the astronauts are evacuated, the plan entails launching a missile from the deck of a US Navy ship. Because the size of the space station warrants a considerable payload, the Pentagon is opting for a medium sized nuclear ordnance. President Bush has expressed an interest in attending the launch and may actually push the launch button.

"He's quite excited about it," said Smedley. "Of course, we all are. I mean, it's not every day you get to do something of this magnitude. It'll be a hell of a thing to see."

Several scientists and scientific organizations have gone on record opposing the destruction of the space station, but they are largely European and their protests will likely be dismissed.