Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Attila the Hun

Attila wasn't so bad once you got to know him. But he didn't give you that much time.

Extra Added Bonus!

ATTILA'S DEATH EXERCISE:
1. Get drunk.
2. Have nosebleed.
3. Choke to death on your own blood.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Henry Clay

First Whig, War Hawk, and U.S. senator from Kentucky. Fought a duel over a dress code, then fought another after being compared to a rotten mackerel.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

advice

"Sweetheart,
I've been there,
and I know.
Take it from me..."

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Friday, October 17, 2008

Thursday, October 16, 2008

offering

Broken terracotta offerings are found in sacred dumps outside many Greek temples. Is this one of them? No.

Monday, October 13, 2008

The Thing from the Medical Waste Dump

You expect horror, don't you? Sorry. This is a love monster.

Twenty years ago today, a newspaper girl took a call from a radio guy. She was a crack environmental reporter and he had stumbled upon a medical waste dump. They met at the dump amid syringes and body parts (okay, there were no body parts.) I was the guy. She was Bobbi, love of my life ever since.

The story made the front page of the paper on October 14, 1988. They chose not to run the picture of the monster, but now it can be shown.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Triddlethorpe

Triddlethorpe saw to it that every sonofabitch along the way who crossed him would pay in dollars, blood, or diminished capacity.

Tā moko

Moko displayed by Maori tribesman.

Friday, October 10, 2008

Feste

With hey, ho, the wind and the rain,
For the rain it raineth every day.

Thursday, October 09, 2008

ennui

The long sobs of autumn's violins
wound my heart with a monotonous languor.
-Verlaine

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

Joel

His haberdasher had his doubts, but Joel was proud of his new skullcap.

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Morgue Arrival K

Subject scraped off the wall of an economic think tank. Cause of death: cranial implosion.

Sunday, October 05, 2008

geishatart

A small pie in the shape of a Japanese hostess.
It is usually filled with coconut and raisins.

Saturday, October 04, 2008

Friday, October 03, 2008

Belshazzar

Old King Belshazzar was the merry son of Nebuchadnezzer and he called for more wine. "Barkeep!' he spewled, "Set 'em up in those goblets Daddy plundered from the temple of the Jews! Let's drink to wood and stone! Then we'll drink to brass and iron! Then let's drink to silver and gold!" He also called for his fiddlers three, but before the music could play, writing appeared on the walled street.

"What's this?" he demanded to be told. "'Many, many tickle a parson?'"

No Babylonian could make heads or tails of it.

Daniel stepped up and said "No sir. Mene, mene tekel u-pharsin. Mene mene is money money. Tekel's a shekel; a coin and a weight. Upharsin's a half a mene. Numbered. Weighed. Divided. Your value has been weighed and your stock's dropped."

"Say what?"

""Your days are numbered."

"Oh, crap," whined Belshazzar, in Babylonian, of course.

"Not only that," continued Daniel, "but your menes are being absorbed by the Medes and your upharsin's are being taken over by the Persians. You're due for a bailout."

But Babylon didn't go in for that socialist stuff. Belshazzar was clobbered with a candlestick and Babylon went belly up.

Wednesday, October 01, 2008