Spook Number One

Dick Cheney, government operative.

Spook 2

Spook 3

Spook 4

Spook 5

Spook 6

Spook 7

Spook 8

Spook 9

Spook 10

Spook a Day

To lead up to the holiday whose name must not be uttered, a spook a day will haunt these hallowed bloghalls.

Morgue Arrival F

Subject is a Caucasian male in his mid-fifties with a three inch vertical gash in the center of his forehead. Recovered from dumpster. He appears to have a lion's mane and ears. Murder a distinct possibility, as lion hunting season doesn't start until mid-November.

U.S. Bans Heliotropism

The United States World Government today banned the use of heliotropism in all its manifest forms, at the urging of its ruling counsel, Homeland Security.

Heliotropism, the tendency of plants to turn toward the sun, has been proven to be an effective triggering mechanism for improvised explosive devices. It has been at the center of heated debate this month on Capitol Hill, as Republicans have argued for its criminalization and Democrats, heavily influenced by the Farming Lobby, have argued for its continued use under tightened restrictions.

The debate was curtailed Friday evening when an order from above was given to outlaw the use of the natural law, and penalties were assessed for violations. Those range from heavy fines to extraordinary rendition to death.

The new restrictions go into effect first thing tomorrow morning.

Poppet

Painted poppet carved into potato and petrified.
Druid in origin.

Ghillie Dhu

born in a thicket under a blanket of moss

Sick Stromatolite

A fine example of a nebulous pseudo-stromatolite, possibly of extraterrestrial origin, infected with microbial animosities, viewed under gamma spectography.

Snolly Goster

It's not that Snolly Goster was a blowhard windbag; he was just a mite full of himself.

Mite

Another mite what's full of himself.

Nelson Armbruster III

Such a frightful bore, the Depression. What with Prohibition over, the Armbrusters had to give up our speakeasies and revert to counting our vast stores of money. The dynasty founded on Grandpapa's watch fobs compounded with interest, but it just couldn't keep ours.

At least young Nelson had the wherewithal to diversify. Went off to Hollywood and invested in something called Technicolor. I daresay it suited him. He came back east last winter for Gray Days and my, did he cut a handsome figure.

Fallopian Guard

Within the Tunnels of Fallopia steadfastly stands this pastel soldier, poised to fend off the wriggliest of interlopers. Without such a defense, an immense blockage would bring about the end of bachelorhood.

Dr. Maritus

The 2007 Nobel Prize for Best Supporting Theoretician goes to Dr. E. Maritus, of the University of Saskatoon, whose study of quantum mechanics as it pertains to global warming and continental drift seems poised for recovery from the ash heap of academic oblivion.

Rosie

Rosie O'Donnell before the firing squad

Boschistic Hieronymism

It's Not Funny

Nonimal

carved granite nonexistent animal bead

Bug Delay

Tom's brother. Wouldn't you know he lives in Cleveland?

Puzzling Evidence

Portraits of Danish Privateer Jakob Sorensen, being illegal in Denmark, were naturally in high demand there. So his countenance was disguised upon everyday objects: a fountain pen, a boot scraper, or, as in this case, a puzzle piece.

Clurichaun

The leprechaun's dark cousin, the clurichaun, is never seen in the daylight. In fact, he's rarely seen at all. He is heard, however, usually cursing up a storm as he quaffs another tankard of mead. For the clurichaun is a mean drunk.

Should one take up residence in your wine cellar, do not call the law on him. Neither confront him yourself, because you're no match for him. Try to secure some of your stash elsewhere, but leave a good supply behind. Cross him and all your wine - and your Guinness too - will go flat.

Jimmy Doolan

Patron Saint of O'Donegal's

Lumpus Skull

schematic of scoutmaster's skull