Sunday, September 28, 2008

Sharon

As a place, her name meant a forest in Israel. Deep. Dark. Impenetrable. The one Sharon I knew growing up was gorgeous, the kind of girl I would have deemed unapproachable, unwilling to notice my existence. She wasn't at all. She was warm, salt of the earth, ready to laugh; a fellow conspirator. Each Sharon who followed had an advantage by gift of her name.

empathy

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Friday, September 26, 2008

My Pet Mammal

This is my pet mammal. He has been declawed and detoothed, so is relatively harmless. Just don't let him suck the breath from your lungs.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Security Cam #7

We found this image on this morning's facial recognition scans. Anybody recognize him? We sure don't.

Monday, September 22, 2008

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Captain Duodenum

Wearing his virtual reality pancreatic goggles, Captain Duodenum steers the vessel between the Islets of Langerhans.

Friday, September 19, 2008

Lleu Llaw Gyffes

Something small drops from Arianrhod, his virgin mother. Her brother, Gwydion, scoops it up, sticks it in a chest of drawers, later hears something screaming from inside. Lo, it's Lleu.

Arianrhod doesn't much care for Lieu, as he reminds her of her virginity, so curses him. She makes it where he can take no human wife. So Gwydion makes Lleu a wife made of flowers. She does just fine until...

(Here I should parenthetically interject that little Lleu Llaw lived his life under protective laws. He wasn't to be killed during the day or the night. He wasn't to be wearing clothes, nor be naked. He wasn't to be riding or on foot. And he couldn't be killed using any lawfully made weapon.)

...until his new floral wife cheats on him, then tricks him into giving up the recipe for his death. All she has to do is wrap him in a net at dusk, stand him up with one foot on a goat and one on a cooking pot, and stab the stuffing out of him with a semi-automatic spear, illegal at the time.

Upon dying, Lieu turns into an eagle, is turned back into a human by Gwydion, then, in turn, turns Petunia into an owl. You know. Myth stuff.

I swear I'm not making any of this up. I wikied it.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

iDisc

The iDisc Jukebox plays up to seven CDs at the same time!

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Higgs boson

Imagining the Higgs boson will give you a headache. You see, particles once had no mass. Then, the universe began and they did. In the nanosecond between was and is hides the boson of Dr, Higgs, theoretical physicist. Looks something like this guy here.

So now you've got your Large Hadron Collider at CERN, and two questions arise: Where's CERN, and why are all its letters capitalized? It's too complicated to explain, but while pondering, another question arises: What's a Hadron? Clearly, too many questions arise.

All you really have to know is that somewhere beneath France and Switzerland, particles, or something resembling particles, are whipping around inside two big, cold magnetic circles. When they get up to speed, a switch will be thrown, the tracks will cross and boom! Particles will collide. The boson will be observed, possibly laughing, but only for a split second. After which, either a black hole sucks us all in, OR (as scientists hope) an alternate universe is formed, one where science finds an answer to the question of life, the universe, and everything. If only we could teach it in the schools.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Vatican Voucher

A chit's a marker, sort of an IOU. This one is a carved coprolite depicting a Vatican prelate, and it enabled the bearer to purchase goods for the Roman Catholic Church on credit. Storeowners came to use the name of such a token as an expletive, since it was usually valueless. It was known as a holy chit.

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Who is Gyle E. Foofaraw?

This Saturday morning cartoon character is known for his constant exposure to radioactivity as he attempts to 'nucularize' his adversary, Chippy Zipmunk.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

merperson

Coral-morel-headed merperson assumes underwater counter clockwise holding pattern, surfacing from time to time to eye enviously the beckoning, palm tree suspended, but pinguin inhabited hammock.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Monday, September 08, 2008

Miss Parker

The ninth graders behold Miss Parker, their new biology teacher.

Sunday, September 07, 2008

Thursday, September 04, 2008

Gustav 2

Gustav One was just some Beeblebroxian guy. Gustav Two was a wet monster that spun over us for a couple of days and zapped out my electricity for 46 hours, thus depriving me of Wednesday's upload. So here he is, a day late.
(The gloss finish was an accident; he fell into the pot of hot wax I use for mounting his kind.)

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

Nelson P. Fresh

He never did approve of his son's ebullience, nor of his allowance to be poked and prodded. Truth be told, he thinks Poppin's a sissy.

Monday, September 01, 2008

Joey 'Thrasher' McTeague

His poor mother went through such hell giving birth to him, her midwife lobbied for years she be honored with a holiday. And so, in 1884, Congress declared the first Monday in September be known henceforth as Labor Day.