US Army Urges Dead to Re-enlist
Dear Lieutenant Vinson,
All of us at Central Command trust you spent a relaxing and peaceful Christmas / Kwanza / Hanukkah at home with your family. Now that the new year is upon us, don't you think it's time you consider re-enlisting in the Army?
We realize your recent tour of duty was a strenuous one. Many like you fought / were wounded / died in Iraq / Afghanistan / other conflict zone. Our records show that you were one of those who served with honor and that is why we are contacting you now. Your country needs you again.
At this point in your life you may be considering other options. We realize that. But we also know the war against al Qaeda / the Taliban / terrorism in general is long and hard fought and it requires the best fighting force America can muster. We are also prepared to pay more in both wages and benefits to officers like yourself who choose to sign up for another hitch. Those perks could come in handy in the future, especially for those of you who were wounded in the line of duty. Veterans benefits only go so far, you know. As for those of you who made the supreme sacrifice for your country, we are well aware that material incentives will not mean as much to you. That is why we are prepared to offer promotions to all who have died in the line of duty. Posthumous honors go a long way toward proper placement in the afterlife.
If you are of a mind to feel that your lack of limbs or life would not be of much use to your fellow soldiers, you can put your mind to rest. You have much to offer in the area of expertise and your duties would be largely in educating and training new recruits. Who but yourselves could better warn them of the dangers they face as they take up where you left off?
Just consider it. We hope we don't need to call you up for assignment in the future.
Sincerely,
U.S. Army Reenlistment Division
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