For your edification, Hidden Missives now presents irrefutable proof that the recently discovered Tomb of Jesus and Family is not only one hundred percent authentic, but worthy of papal endorsement by decree. These are the bones and mummified remains of the entire Jesus clan all right, plus a few others thrown in for good measure. You got your Judah, you got your Jofa, you even have your Mary Magdalene. Keep in mind, these photographs have not been Photoshopped or retouched in any way.
Here you see Jesus Christ, not as He was in life, mind you, but how He looks in 2007 A.D. A little worse for the wear, perhaps, but clearly still radiating love and compassion.
And here we can plainly discern not the visage, but the veritable sarcophagus of the Virgin Mary. See how she mourns in supplication.
We're not sure who all these people are. Obviously not servants or slaves; the bone structure is decidedly holy. Cousins, most likely. They were found crammed into an earthen ossuary so tightly, no oxygen could enter, thus preserving the remains mummily.
So now that you've seen the photographs, who are you going to believe, leading scientists and theologians, or James Cameron and your own eyes? We think the choice is clear.
10 comments:
Your claims, sir, are complete balderdash. Why, anyone with a naked eye (oh my!) can plainly see that those bones are obviously from the Jacubian period, which, as I'm sure you know, was almost fifteen years later than the Time of Jesus. Why, were we to believe your claims, Christmas would fall on the second of June and Easter would be on Halloween! Don't ask me how I know this, I just do. It is also a well-known fact that persons unknown (ahem), while posing as at least one officer of the Swiss Guard, found the body of Jesus in a catacomb beneath the Vatican back in 1968. That body was subsequently shot into the sun, so don't try to tell ME any of your modernist post-son in the sun tripe, because I know better.
I did like the word "mummily," though.
That was no Jesus. That was Peter they found in 1969. And they didn't shoot him into the sun, either. They put him aboard the Pioneer spacecraft and he's still out there spreading the gospel. You should get your facts straight before mouthing off on the internets. And I stand behind my photographs. They are real. If you were a True Christian, you wouldn't question their authenticity, you'd accept my claim at faith value. So there.
I am a Faux Christian; that is how I recognize those photographs.Faith value, indeed. It makes me want to challenge you to a dual. And just how many internets are there, anyway? Is that what the fishers of men use?
But where is Brian and his mother?
Oh, you want the Brian Clan. Third tomb on the left. You can't miss it; it's the one with the Judean People's Front flag flying outside.
"Blessed are the cheesemakers."
AAArrgh! It's The People's Front of Judea, Dammit!
Sor-ree. A mite touchy, huh, Ponch? As I recall, you were no fan of the PFJ, so why take offense?
You apparently have me confused with my evil twin Pilate. You know, the "So the King is once again my guest" hack. I'm much better for your abs.
LMAO
I thought that 's' was a misprint. I should have known better.
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