AlleyOop

Follow me down these stairs. Now here's something you don't see every day. That's right. It's a bowling alley. But not just any bowling alley. This bowling alley is a perfect facsimile of the bowling alley in the basement of the White House. Not that slick two lane deal installed for Truman. That turkey wound up in the puff pastry EEOB a few years after it went in. No, this is modeled after Dicky Nixon's one laner, circa 1970. See that wallpaper? You can't find wallpaper like that anymore, believe you me. That's special-order, custom-made, by gum. And get this: polyester pants and shirt to clash, just like Dick in this file photo. Try 'em on... And here, put on these white bowling shoes. You look like a 9 and a half. Ten? Squeeze... There. Mighty fine. Now, would you mind putting on this Nixon mask? Yes, I'm serious. Look, I'm going for historical accuracy here; are you going to cooperate, or not? Okay, then. Grab a ball and knock down those pins... Nice pullback... Release... OHHHhhh h h h h . . . gutterball.
Would you look at the time?