Lite Brite Mooninites Banned

Homeland Security has issued new restrictions on the possession and trafficking of Lite Brite Mooninites. It is an attempt to curb terrorist guerrilla marketing, an alarming new trend sweeping the nation and causing panic in the streets or at least police stations across America.

Secretary of Homeland Security, Michael Chertoff and Boston Police Chief Gunther Toody announced the new laws, effective immediately, at a packed press conference in Washington D.C. earlier today.

"It is not our intention to deprive our children of an innocent play toy," said Chertoff. "But we live in a post 9/11 world, and al Qaeda has long arms. Long enough, it seems, to reach in and grab a stranglehold on Madison Avenue. And so we must act."

Under the new restrictions, it is now a Class B felony to possess or transport a Lite Brite toy with an image on it depicting a Mooninite. To place such a toy in a public place is a Class A felony. Also banned are images depicting milk shakes, french fries and meatballs. Also, any and all cartoon characters deemed terrorist related, such as Yosemite Sam, Wile E. Coyote and Daffy Duck. A full list can be found on the Homeland Security website.

"Boston's infrastructure was laid low recently," said Toody. "We want every American to rest assured they will not be subjected to the same brand of terror that we were."